Resolving Family Issues: One Another - Part 10 Resolving Family Issues One Another – Part 10 3/17/2024 Overview Its not about YOU It is about YOU (Y’all) Review Week 8 - Forgiveness God commands forgiveness “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; Luke 6:37 Forgiveness is about obedience not your feelings “If you love me you will keep my commandment.” John 14:15 Forgiveness is surrendering right to merit out justice If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord. To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Romans 12:18–21 God then heals the hurt and can restore the relationship “He heals the brokenhearted and he binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3 Biblical Conflict with One Another Guiding Principles: - Peace isn’t the goal it’s the expectation Peace - εἰρηνεύω (eiréneuó) To bring to peace, to be at peace, to make peace, to cultivate peace Possible - δυνατός (dunatos) Strong, mighty, powerful, what is made possible because of power, ability to do something powerful, able - Deal with you (singular) before dealing with you (plural) - Immediacy is a command not a suggestion - Restoration of relationship - reconciliation is the goal - All action is done with and through the Spirit in love Conversational Ground Rules: 1. Eyes Up - Goal is to honor God with your actions 2. Make space for emotions, Don’t let them take overThat is really painful for me can we take a minute?I’m finding myself reacting can we take a minute? 3. Keep it short and keep it simple 4. Extend grace to each other, practice empathy 5. Goal is restoration of relationship and at minimum peace.This is not a win/lose conversation It is a we win conversation (our struggle is not against flesh and blood) For the offended: Before you meet: 1. Consider the offense (sin) in light of Col. 3 and ask yourself can I let this go. Does this rise to the level that it needs to be addressed? 2. Forgive the offense (sin). Forgiveness is not contingent on the reaction of the other it’s between you and God. You’re forgiven so you forgive. 3. Pray. God calls us to pray for the person, the situation, and most of all our heart toward the entire situation. 4. Reach out to the person and ask to meet - FACE to FACE is the goal, some situations make this impossible. When you meet: 1. Pray together and invite the Holy Spirit to be a part of your conversation 2. Start by valuing the relationship 3. DO NOT litigate the past 4. Share how you feel in the present (__________ happened and I feel _________) 5. Own your part of the issue! Own how you felt and handled those feelings and apologize if you need to. 6. Give space for the other person to respond. If they want to argue - DON’T If they want to make excuses - DON’T DEBATE If they want to share how they feel - LISTEN If he/she wants to own their behavior - LISTEN 7. FOCUS on making peace and maintaining peace - words and conduct 8. Pray together For the offender: Before you meet: 1. Do not make excuses for your behavior or how your sin is somehow validated based on the situation 2. Confess before God and seek His forgiveness 3. Ask God for understanding, insight and sensitivity to how your actions may have affected the other person 4. Reach out and ask the other person to meet - FACE to FACE is the goal, though not always possible When you meet: 1. Pray together and invite the Holy Spirit to be a part of your conversation 2. Start by valuing the relationship 3. DO NOT litigate the past 4. Apologize with specificity. 5. Empathize with how he/she may feel, DO NOT make excuses 6. Ask, Are there any other hurts that I’ve caused that I can address? How would you like to move forward? 7. Listen and respond in love. If he/she wants to yells at you. LISTEN If he/she responds emotionally with hurtful words - LISTEN If they refuse to forgive you - DON’T FORCE IT 8. FOCUS on making peace and maintaining peace - words and conduct 9. Pray together